Journey to Magnolia

Magnolia! I’ll paint my hall with ya,
The most ubiquitous paint of any hue.
Magnolia, Magnolia – I won’t paint my walls in anything but you.
Magnolia, Magnolia – not yellow or purple or pink or blue.

I went into the travel agent to book my holiday.
But when it came to asking where I wanted to stay,
A particular word stuck in my head and refused to go away.
Outer Magnolia, Magnolia – is the place to go, they say
Outer Magnolia, Magnolia – please take me there today.

Magnolia! I’ll paint my hall with ya,
The most ubiquitous paint of any hue.
Magnolia, Magnolia – I won’t paint my walls in anything but you.
Magnolia, Magnolia – not yellow or purple or pink or blue.

So, on a flight to Nizhny Novgorod and a train to far Irkutsk
I dozed off to the drone of throat singing, dreamt of Gobi’s sandy dunes
Magnolia, Magnolia – to you I dedicate this tune.
Magnolia, Magnolia – my ardent pleas were quite mistook.

Magnolia! I’ll paint my hall with ya,
The most ubiquitous paint of any hue.
Magnolia, Magnolia – I won’t paint my walls in anything but you.
Magnolia, Magnolia – not yellow or purple or pink or blue.

When I got home, I noticed my ceiling, it needed a new coat.
My skirting boards had gone off-white, their dust caught in my throat.
I’ve looked at the whole colour chart, from Alabaster to Xanadu
But Magnolia, Magnolia – there’s no place on my wall for any paint but you.

[Security, we have a disturbance in the home decorating section, near the tins of emulsion
Security – please remove the gentleman dressed in a pointy hat and fur boots immediately.]

Magnolia! I’ll paint my hall with ya,
The most ubiquitous paint of any hue.
Magnolia, Magnolia – you’re not yellow, or purple, or pink or blue.
Magnolia, Magnolia – some things are best not sung about in B&Q.

Tags: comedy, song